before the new ribbon

hmf.

so it's a bit unusual to be so attracted to online comics. something blake has got me interested in, mostly just two: cat and girl

http://catandgirl.com/

and

http://www.picturesforsadchildren.com/

both are truly amazing. also french comics. into those now.

it's strange, how taste evolves, time and knowledge lends itself to really shape who we are. how the people we shared so much with (even loved) when we were sixteen are completely separate from us now. how relationships in between seem now hysterically vapid and dare i say, even tortuous. what is it that makes us tolerate people for so long, are we that goddamn lonely? will we withstand abuse, and all else just to be intimate with someone. the dependency is unreal even at such a young age. on friday i will be turning twenty-two and i feel as though i have lived through enough to be done already. write up the memoir under a pseudonym (as not to conflict with art) sell it to the masses, and i'm done. my life story is one of defeat. i suppose thats what i need to outlet with art, why my career choices were always only to write or make art. its all about therapy for me.

finally i have reached a point in my life, though, where i am, by far, the happiest i've been. it's so different now because for the first time i completely understand compassion, and all that love can be. i met william blake stephens nearly a year ago and with him i have been able to let go of so much and achieve things i felt so far from before. grateful doesn't begin to describe how i feel towards him, i can only say i hope nothing can ever diminish, or threaten what we have. living together, having a home, living these unbelievably adult lives feels so right. and frightening at the same time.

damn, is this a rant. i'm not sure what i'm even trying to translate here. accomplish through writing to no one on some blog. 

i need a website for my photography. this blog feels as though it would cheapen things or make everything too generic feeling.

who knows.

i need to stop divulging into the internet and make dinner. read. anything else.