this song.

before the new ribbon

hmf.

so it's a bit unusual to be so attracted to online comics. something blake has got me interested in, mostly just two: cat and girl

http://catandgirl.com/

and

http://www.picturesforsadchildren.com/

both are truly amazing. also french comics. into those now.

it's strange, how taste evolves, time and knowledge lends itself to really shape who we are. how the people we shared so much with (even loved) when we were sixteen are completely separate from us now. how relationships in between seem now hysterically vapid and dare i say, even tortuous. what is it that makes us tolerate people for so long, are we that goddamn lonely? will we withstand abuse, and all else just to be intimate with someone. the dependency is unreal even at such a young age. on friday i will be turning twenty-two and i feel as though i have lived through enough to be done already. write up the memoir under a pseudonym (as not to conflict with art) sell it to the masses, and i'm done. my life story is one of defeat. i suppose thats what i need to outlet with art, why my career choices were always only to write or make art. its all about therapy for me.

finally i have reached a point in my life, though, where i am, by far, the happiest i've been. it's so different now because for the first time i completely understand compassion, and all that love can be. i met william blake stephens nearly a year ago and with him i have been able to let go of so much and achieve things i felt so far from before. grateful doesn't begin to describe how i feel towards him, i can only say i hope nothing can ever diminish, or threaten what we have. living together, having a home, living these unbelievably adult lives feels so right. and frightening at the same time.

damn, is this a rant. i'm not sure what i'm even trying to translate here. accomplish through writing to no one on some blog. 

i need a website for my photography. this blog feels as though it would cheapen things or make everything too generic feeling.

who knows.

i need to stop divulging into the internet and make dinner. read. anything else.

tuesday

i'm unbelievably prepared for halloween and fall weather, the hot rains are really getting to me. today was the second day of classes, and so far so good. i'm excited about both and ready to get to work already. the last few days of summer were straining, but fun. it was nice to see everyone in gainesville, shop at ikea one last time this summer, and see the fiery furnaces show in tampa - also creating our most expensive bar tab to date.

my birthday is closing in, and i'm not that excited about it. i know what i want, but we'll see. also: blake thinks i'm lame for blogging. but he's an ass and i love him more than annnnnnnnnnnnnnnything. now he's coughing up blood. oh shit.

bmsr

tomorrow.

i'm really excited.

recent things

so...the summer hasn't been too terrible. trying to do as much as possible before it's all over and done with. went to st. pete a couple of weeks ago. stopped in for the warhol exhibit at their fine art museum and it was pretty damn disappointing. the greatest find was at a record store, daddy kool, we stopped in randomly. i bought the following and blew entirely too much $:

- of montreal: cheery peel

- velvet underground: white light/white heat

- avey tare and panda bear: april and the phantom

- tom waits: swordfishtrombones

 favorite by far as been the william s. burrough's recordings 'break through in grey room'. it's really amazing. blake is pretty sure he's doing his thesis concentrating on burroughs, so it's been a good excuse to do some "research". we finally stopped in at sarasota's independent movie rental store, video renaissance, and we have not been disappointed yet. everything i've come up with to rent they have had and this is very exciting for me. so far we've rented the following:

- drugstore cowboy

(mainly for the burroughs cameo as a junkie priest).

- in the realms of the unreal: documentary on henry darger

this was really great, but the animated "coming to life" of his paintings got creepy and the people who lived around him really sounded like they were talking out of their ass. the introspective on him was worth it though, and i had no idea he was sent to the illinois institute for feebleminded children. the institute was known for their leading work in eugenics and "sterilizations" and this makes an incredible amount of sense for the content of his work.

- bonnie and clyde

was ready to finally have this to watch, and unfortunately it was slow-moving and boring and not that great, visually.

- videodrome

starting me on a cronenberg kick

- thx 1138

- orson welles' lady from shanghai

it's nice to indulge in film for a bit. 

also got our hands on battle royale. that sent back some good memories.

alright. thats all.

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